Taking a step back when you’re feeling burnout is never easy and I felt the pressure building recently.
When you push things to their limits, sometimes you end up staring into the abyss.
I took a few days off a little while ago because I was feeling physically and mentally spent after having gone hard for several weeks straight between work and school.
The fact that I actually took some downtime is a marked change from the patterns of my past; it used to be that I would push as hard and as long as possible, to the point where I would end up severely burnt out. Often, my depression would come cascading back and I would find myself off work for prolonged periods as I recovered.
When I began feeling the familiar fatigue and depression symptoms setting in, I knew I had two choices: I either take time off, or I’m going to have to take one once things completely fall apart.
I haven’t enjoyed my past experiences — because, really, they’ve been brutal — but I have definitely learned from them, and for that, I am grateful.
Between a predisposition to anxiety and depression and additional accumulated trauma from my time working in the frontlines of Alberta’s ambulance system, I have dealt with my mental health for most of my adult life.
I’ve heard from people that my issues are a weakness. I’ve heard from people in my life that the issues I deal with are because I choose to feel the way I do.
Instead, I should just choose to “be happy.”
Unfortunately, mental illness doesn’t work that way.
Telling a depressed person to just “be happy” is like telling a diabetic to “just produce more insulin;” both comments are ridiculous.
Just like diabetes is caused by a problem in the pancreas, quite often, chemical imbalances in the brain cause mental health issues.
I may be functioning at a level far above where I was seven or eight years ago, thanks to loads of hard work, a good medication regime and a supportive care team, but I still find myself needing to carefully balance things, and when things get out of balance, I find myself staring back into the abyss contemplating life and my future in it.
However, after the work I have put in over the last decade in my mental health recovery, I am aware of the signs and symptoms I need to be wary of.
Thanks to strong insight, knowing myself and when I need to step back, and backed by supportive management, I was able to take the break I needed and am ready to get back to work.
The thing is, burnout can hit anyone, whether you are afflicted with mental health concerns or not. In North American culture, it is almost seen as a badge of honour when, in reality, it is a sign that something is out of balance.
County singer Toby Keith, who recently died from cancer, had a song called “My List” which talked about finding balance.
In the song, Keith talks about the things on his to-do list, including going to the bank and the hardware store. He also talks about things that should be on his list, like pushing his child on the backyard swing or connecting with an old friend.
“It wouldn’t change the course of fate if cutting the grass just had to wait,” writes Keith, in his song.
We are all important in our jobs. But we are all even more important to our families and to ourselves.
If we let ourselves get rundown to the point of exhaustion we are no good to ourselves, to our families, or our jobs.
So take a time out.
Get rebalanced.
It won’t change the course of fate.